Abusive Relationships Continuation

I first start off my interview with a question that I wanted to hear from others and that question was to my client "What does abuse mean to you?" She seemed hesitant at first but then began saying "To me it simply means fighting and arguing...physically." Well I think there is more than just those words she spoke before I even came to ask her that question, I researched it myself on a web article by Michelle New, PhD. Who wrote on what abuse is and after my cousin gave me her definition of what it meant I gave her the real meaning of it which is "Everyone has heard the songs about how much love can hurt. But that doesn't mean physical harm: Someone who loves you should never abuse you. Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person." When I told her what it meant she gave an eye brow expression, you know like how people get when their shocked or surprised or maybe even speechless that kind of look. I don't think that people who are abused know that abuse is really serious and not so much as a big deal. But little do they know it is. The introduction from Michelle New about abusive relationships was quiet relieving I must say. She gave information on how it began and where the problems mainly come from. She stated in her report that "Abuse can sometimes be mistaken for intense feelings of caring or concern. It can even seem flattering. Think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous: Maybe it seems like your friend's partner really cares about him or her. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship."
Now personally I really agree with what she is saying and so did my cousin because I feel as though in a relationship there is bound to be jealousy somewhere, whether its your partner glancing at someone else or a disagreement on a topic. There will be a little jealousy role in the play.
To know if your being abused or if you know someone who is being abused there are signs of this action:

Signs of an Abusive Relationships

Important warning signs that you may be involved in an abusive relationship include when someone:

• harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching
• tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, and what you say
• frequently humiliates you or making you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you)
• coerces or threatens to harm you, or self-harm, if you leave the relationship
• twists the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions
• demands to know where you are at all times
• constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends

Unwanted sexual advances that make you uncomfortable are also red flags that the relationship needs to focus more on respect. When someone says stuff like "If you loved me, you would . . . " that's also a warning of possible abuse. A statement like this is controlling and is used by people who are only concerned about getting what they want — not caring about what you want. Trust your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

Signs That a Friend Is Being Abused

In addition to the signs listed above, here are some signs a friend might be being abused by a partner:

• unexplained bruises, broken bones, sprains, or marks
• excessive guilt or shame for no apparent reason
• secrecy or withdrawal from friends and family
• avoidance of school or social events with excuses that don't seem to make any sense

("Abusive Relationships, Teen Health")

These are just to name a few of if you face these signs. But if your like me and have a friend or relative who has actually came forward in telling you that they are facing a situation similar or exactly like this, then you as a friend should help that person out or get them some help. It wouldn't be right if your just going to let the conflict continue. Step up and be a bigger person in helping them getting out of it and rehabilitating them from the abuser.